just another day

To think you need some one in your life to feel complete, seems ridiculous if you ask me! But yet I always find myself wanting it, needing it... I try to ignore it, blow it off as much as possible but the feeling comes back and stays till I push them back down to where they belong. If only there was something else I could do to help me to take my mind off of these lousy feelings. I can't concentrate on much else, everything else I do only distracts me for so long. I want more from this life, but in the end I want the chance to find the one thing that matters the most to me, sadly who knows when that will come for me. Just when I think it's close, I turn around only to see there more hills to climb each one higher then the next. This can only mean one thing, a challenge to make me stronger for the next to come, so I can get to know what makes me happy. The funny thing is the only thing you need in life to be happy is yourself and that's how it should be, sad thing its a little harder to make yourself happy then one would think. Too many inner demons to ignore, telling you your not good enough, that you need the attention to be happy too feel good, even if it's just for that one pathetic moment in time. Try and ignore them, try to tell yourself you are better then that, but the thought is only there for a second only to be over come by everything else. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop giving in to what you know will only hurt worse in the end. If being happy is what you want then find that way to make it happen be stronger then you tell yourself your not!

First time...

I have had a lot of random things on my mind lately, so much in fact it has been keeping me up at night. That's a problem for me, for the simple fact that I love my sleep.
I hate the fact that in order to fall in love you have to let your walls down, but in order to not get heart broken you have to keep them up. It just so happens the one time I consider letting down my walls, it's with someone who has still has their walls up. I don't know if I want to wait around for them to go down, but if I did so it could be worth it, right? On the other hand I really enjoy being single!
If I stay single I won't have anything to hold me back from going to Hawaii for a while which would be awesome, I am in need of a change. I am looking forward to taking a break before I go back to school to get my BA.
That's the other thing I have no clue where and what I want to get my BA in. My AA is in visual communications, where the hell can that transfer? I could just stay at ITT but I don't know if I want to? ugh growing up is so not fun.